Joey's Awful Day
by Kiddo912
Summary: Non-canon old school Degrassi story. Although others would think this would not be a big deal, Joey thinks he has the opportunity of a lifetime when The Zits are allowed to perform at the Degrassi High open house. But do things go according to plan?
1. Chapter 1

It was an average day at Degrassi High. Joey had gotten into trouble yet again for smoking mad weed on campus with Wheels (just kidding, he tried to grind his skateboard down the bannister in the stairwell and he fell down the stairs, falling onto Mr. Radditch). He was just rushing out of Radditch's office with a punishment of two detentions when he ran into Caitlin. "Hey baby, you're looking quite fine today. Wanna skip study hall and, uh, lock tongue?", he said while licking his finger and moving it across his forehead, rubbing his spit on it in the process. "Ugh. I told you to stop calling me that, especially since we broke up, like, a week ago. Now, if you excuse me, I have to talk to Claude about important things, like the environment and avant garde theatre."

Joey looked at her in disgust, with the spit glistening on his forehead, as she walked away from him towards Claude. When she reached him, they hugged and shared a quick kiss. "So, m'lady, is that rapscallion Joseph causing you any upset? If he is, I will put a note in his locker explaining how you feel about these unwanted advances, and if that does not work, I will honorably defend you with fisticuffs.", he said as he kneeled on one knee before her. "Oh, Claude, you're so bold!" Caitlin cooed. Joey scoffed and said to himself, "Fucking sap. I'll show him at the open house tonight. There's going to be a performing arts hour and Wheels, Snake and I are going to blow him away with our performance as THE ZITS!" He started singing "Everybody Wants Something" to himself as Snake and Wheels walked up to him. "Hey Joey, you excited for our performance?" "Hell, yeah! I'm finally going to show Claude not to fuck with Joey Jeremiah!" "What's with the language?" Snake asked. "You usually don't use such words, and, frankly, I don't approve." "Oh, shut up, Snake!" said Wheels, "What are you, a prude like your brother?" "You better watch it, man!" Snake growled. "Guys, guys, relax!" Joey said. "None of this is important! What's important is that we succeed tonight, as this can be our shot at the big gigs!" "Yeah, man! We're going to be stars!" Wheels said. Snake rolled his eyes at the stupidity of Wheels and Joey, but followed along with hyping the group up. The bell rang, and they went their separate ways to their individual classes.


	2. Chapter 2

Joey went into Mr. Wallfish's English class with Caitlin and the other Grade Nines, where the class was engaged in a deep discussion about Catcher in the Rye.

"I think that Holden Caulfield was representative of the psychodrama of the mentally ill teenager who is caught between the psyche of the id and the superego of the dramatic sector of the hippocampus, which is seen when he asks the taxi driver if the ducks come to the park during the winter." Caitlin explained.

"…..What?" Mr. Wallfish asked with disbelief and a slight amusement.

"_Fucking Claude, that's the last time I ask him for help with my homework..." _Caitilin muttered to herself as she buried her head in her copy of the book.

"How about you, Joey?" asked Mr. Wallfish.

Mr. Wallfish looked over to Joey as he was busy doodling pictures of himself on stage with two stick figures (assumingly Joey and Snake), as well as underwear scattered across the stage. A very detailed picture of Caitlin was in the audience saying, "Oh Joey, you make me so hot!" as she was attempting to remove her clothes. It was very clear from his drawing that he had no idea what the female anatomy even looked like.

"…Joey!"

Joey quickly closed his notebook.

"Yes, Mr. Wallfish!"

"Can you please explain to the class what you believe the character of Holden Caulfield represented in The Catcher in the Rye."

"Umm..."

He hadn't actually read the book, apart from the first three pages.

"Well, you see…"

Everyone in the class was looking at him. Arthur Kobalewscy was smirking at him. "You'll never regain Caitlin's affections now!" Arthur thought that he thought to himself.

"What was that, Arthur?" Mr. Wallfish said.

"Uh, nothing, Mr. Wallfish." Arthur said, blushing, people snickering all around him.

"Arthur, see me after class. Joey, your answer, please."

Arthur put his head on his desk. Caitlin gave him a dirty look and Yick facepalmed.

Fortunately, this had given Joey a perfect distraction to think about his answer to Wallfish's question.

"Well, he was a teenage boy. He was going through issues that some teenage boys go through. He just got kicked out of school and he was feeling…uh…stressed about what his parents would think! Yeah! And he also liked ducks."

Joey was anxious. He had to steal the quote that Caitlin provided for the final part of his question and he wasn't sure what Wallfish was going to think.

"Very good, Joey! I see that you truly understand the basic characteristics that make Holden Caulfield who he is!" Wallfish exclaimed.

Joey smirked at Caitlin. Caitlin looked at him with the intense rage that only someone who was outperformed by a complete bullshitter would feel.

After some more discussion, the bell rang and Mr. Wallfish reminded the class that their three page thesis paper on The Catcher In The Rye was due that Friday.


	3. Chapter 3

We join Joey and Snake as they are backstage, waiting for their turn at the Performing Arts Hour section of Degrassi High's Open House

"Oh, man, where's Wheels? We're next and he hasn't even shown up!"

"I told you, his Grandpa's in the hospital again. His grandma couldn't drive him so he had to wal…"

"He only lives, like, a mile from the school, idiot!" Joey screamed in Snake's face

"No, remember? After his parents died, he had to move in with them. They live on the other side of Toronto!"

"Fuck.." Joey whispered to himself.

"Fuck!" he screamed, "Doesn't he understand that this is our shot at the big time?"

"Joey, it's an open house at a high school. No record company executives are sitting in that audience. We're just 15 year old kids, and the likelihood of us becoming famous is, like, a million to one."

"No, Snake, I…" Joey paused and peeked out at the audience.

"Snake, you see that man?"

Joey pointed at a rather handsome gentleman in the fifth row who had a slightly disheveled suitcoat who had a red mustache.

"See him?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well, Luke just told me that he's the owner of Little Stone Records. They produced the first Gourmet Scum album, and I read in the paper that he's looking for new talent!"

"Joey, that's Mr. Raditch. Luke was probably stoned and you're just stupid."

"Whatever, man! I just hope that Wheels sho.."

"Hey guys!"

Wheels walked into the backstage area wearing an "Arthur and the Yicks" shirt.

"Wait..._WHAT?_" Joey asked. "I…Is that even a band?"

"What do you mean?" Wheels asked, slightly confused. "Oh, yeah, right, my shirt! Arthur gave it to me for free as long as I promised that I would wear it during the concert!"

"Wait, why would he do that?" Snake asked.

"I don't know, just forget it." Joey replied . "Let's just wait for our turn."

Meanwhile, on stage…

"….And then the agent said, "Wow! What an act! What do you call it?' And then the father said, 'The Aristocrats!'" Arthur exclaimed into the microphone.

The audience's mouths were all agape, and Arthur's father shook his head while muttering, "_Arthur, I told you that joke in the privacy of our home…_"

Arthur walked off the stage. Ms. Avery walked onto the stage and said,

"Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize profusely for that act. Arthur will be disciplined for it. Next up is our own Degrassi bad boys, The Zits!"


End file.
